


Paradox

by fairytaleofdust



Category: 12 Monkeys (TV)
Genre: 1957, Angst, Casserole, F/M, Other, primary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-21 21:03:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7404604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairytaleofdust/pseuds/fairytaleofdust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cole and Cassie search through 1957 for the last Primary, and fight their own demons and doubts to find their purposes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first part of the story. I'm working on the second, but I thought of posting the first part so I could see how the fandom reacts to it. it's my first 12 monkeys fanfic. Casserole AF. please, comment! thanks :)

“I don’t want to be afraid anymore”, she said, and he looked at her as if trying to be sure she wasn’t an illusion. 

She said it, and yet had no idea which of her fears she was talking about. Was it the fear of failing the mission, and being responsible for the death of millions of people, and the end of civilization as we know it? As much as she knew it wasn’t really her fault, after living in 2044 and seeing all that she saw, there was no way she could feel that having the ability to go back in time and change the past didn’t make her at least partially responsible.

Maybe it was the fear of being too weak for this. The Witness had taken control of her, used her to hurt her friends. How come she didn’t fight back? It was her fault that now Ramse had lost his son. She told him that searching for The Witness was the right move. She promised him they would kill whatever this thing is together. And yet, knowing the situation more than she would ever understand, Ramse stopped the car to let her change her mind. Face another fear. The fear of being far from him.

She had been far from him long enough. 8 months in the future, learning how to survive in that new reality, turned her into something she didn’t know. Stronger, no doubt, but also rougher. The rough that she had peeled off him, was now on her. So much that she went against him many times since they met again. Once when she was sure that killing Jennifer Goines would stop the virus and change the future, and then when she lied to him and left him unconscious in 1961. Both times, she knew she was wrong. Enough. She didn’t want to be wrong anymore. She never wanted to point a gun at him anymore.

Cole took a few seconds to understand what was going on, endless seconds that shouldn’t mean a thing to time travelers, but that brought butterflies to her stomach as she observed his mind working to make a decision. She let out the air she was holding when he stretched out his hand to her, his otter eyes sweet and calm.

Cassie took a step forward and took his hand, and then motioned to walk towards the stairs, as the people in 1957 were already staring at them and their strange clothing, but Cole stopped her with his other hand on her neck, pulling her head towards his chest in an embrace. She stiffened for a moment as a natural reaction, but immediately relaxed and closed her eyes, welcoming the hug. A few hours ago, she was holding a gun to him, watching his best friend take over the facility against him. She knew it was hard for him to understand their reasons, and wouldn’t blame him if he took time to recover. Thankfully, for her, Cole was not a man to waste time.

“I’m glad you’re here”, he whispered in her ear, and she moved slightly to look into his eyes. They were sweet, but there was doubt in them. She knew there and then that it wouldn’t be easy. She swallowed hard and moved to go upstairs. He did nothing to stop her, nor followed her. She only observed as he moved towards the bar.

Cassie took the fact that she was alone in the room and took a shower. Although not as strong as the high pressure showers she was used to in 2016, what they had in 1957 was definitely better than whatever they had in 2044. She let the water run over her head, trying to relax. She wished her thoughts would calm down a little bit. She thought of Ramse, Jennifer and the daughters, now on a suicide mission through the red storm to find something they didn’t even know existed. She thought of the few memories she had had access to while the Witness was in her mind, and hoped they could really help them.

As she put on her 1957 clothes, she wondered if this was it. Would she ever go back to the future? She was distracted with the details on the furniture when she heard the door opening, and made sure her robe was well shut.

“So, any idea where to start?” She tried to go straight to the point, considering that she knew he was still mad at her.

Cole took a second. He wasn’t expecting to see her in her robe, wet hair falling on her shoulders. He looked down and moved into the room without looking at her.

“Not really, but we have…time,” and by noticing the irony of the sentence, they both laughed. Their eyes met, and Cassie saw how tired and sad he looked. His smirk turned upside down in a second.

“Why did you come, Cassie?” It was clear that something was bothering him. She knew that all the reasons she had were hard to believe. How could she be here to  stop the last paradox, if she was responsible for the last failed trip? How come she wanted to help him, if she was on the other side of the coup at the facility? How come she came because she loves him, if she said no when he told her he cared? They were all truth, though.

“It was the right thing to do,” she replied, an answer that summarized all reasons. He clicked his tongue, still unconvinced.

“It wasn’t the last time we jumped?” He insisted, and she felt her heart sink.

“tWhat do you want, Cole? That I apologize for lying to you? I did, remember? What else can I do?”

“You can tell me why you are really here.”

It was time. She didn’t know what was going to happen after she said it, but she had to. She couldn’t hold it anymore.

“Because of you!” She said, and felt tears coming to her eyes. She made no effort to stop them. “Because the world was ending and I would never see you again. Because it all began with you, and this is the mission. You were right, I'm not supposed to follow revenge for what was done to me. I'm supposed to save the world. with you.”

She took a deep breath, hoping that those words conveyed all the meanings she wanted. He didn’t react, at first, all those words rambling through his head. Then, in a sudden movement, he walked towards her. Sprinted, really, and Cassie stopped breathing.

Just as sudden, he stopped, really close to her, and looked into her eyes. She didn’t know what to do, but her hands moved involuntarily to touch him. He breathed in as her fingers brushed his arms, and then turned towards the bedroom, locking the door behind him.

Cassie remained in the living room, empty-handed, broken-hearted, and alone.

-.-.-.-.

The next few weeks were all very diplomatic. Nothing was said and done about Cassie’s confession, and they focused their efforts in finding the next primary.

As they had no clue where to look, they went with what they already knew about primaries. They have always been considered mentally ill, so he would probably be in an asylum or institution.  They searched the hospitals for cases of delusion mentioning time, monkeys or the red forest. After 4 weeks looking, they finally had a lead. A patient called Alana Brooks, 23 years old.

To go to her, they needed help. Their first thought was Agent Gale, the detective that had helped him numerous times before. They felt awkward calling him, as they knew he would die with them, 1961, but for some reason, Cole felt he would always call him.

Robert Gale, always a lively presence, was happy to help. Specially because after their last encounter (1944, to him), and their revelations, he didn’t have much else to go to.

“Wife has been a problem, you know. It happens when you say you know the world is going to end before our grandchildren are old enough to give us great grandchildren. She will come around, eventually.” Cole already knew she wouldn’t.

They used Cassie’s medical expertise to have an excuse to see Alana, but the moment they saw the girl, they knew it would be hard.

“Alana hasn’t spoken for 10 years. Last time she described whatever is going on with her she was 13. She said there were voices in her head, and then she silenced. Hasn’t made a sound since,” the on-call doctor informed them, handing her file to Cassie. Dr. Railly looked at the girl’s chart briefly, and all the few details they had matched with the other primaries they knew. There were few things telling them they were in the wrong place, but they had to be sure.

They entered her room and Cassie took the lead, initiating the conversation wih the girl.

“Hey, Alana. My name is Cassandra. This is James and that’s Robert. We’re here to help.” But the girl did nothing. Cole huffed, impatient.

“It’s her. I say we keep watch to see if the messenger is around, and stop them. There isn’t much else we can do.”

“Cole!” Reprehended Cassie, afraid that his impatience could affect Alana. It was her, though, that caused distress to the girl.

“Cole. James Cole,” the girl whispered, her voice rough and weak after years of silence. She looked up at Cole, and they knew she was who they were looking for. Cole approached her, holding her hand.

“Yes, Alana. I’m Cole, I’m here to save you. To stop the paradox.”

But her eyes showed fear, and the girl began to scream and struggle to get away from him, so much so that it called the attention of the doctors, who had to come in a group to hold her down and give her a sedative. As soon as she was controlled, the doctor send them away.

“I don’t know what happened but we haven’t seen her react like this in years. I’m sorry but you cannot see her again. Please, leave.” And they were sent away.

As she was pushed out of the the room, Cassie noticed something familiar in one of the nurses. She locked her attention on the man, who was now fixing Alana’s pillows. As the door closed, and she could only see part of his face through the blinds on the window, Cassie remembered. That was the messenger.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They find the Primary, but they can't stop the paradox. Or so does Cassie think. stuck in 1957, what can she do with her life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I meant to post this earlier and now I'm upset because after THAT episode, anything following this story seems weird and boring lol. I'll follow my story as I thought, trying not to include anything from episodes 2.12 and 2.13. There will be 1 more chapter (at least).  
> Thanks for the reviews. I hope you enjoy it. Keep them coming!
> 
> Any mistakes are my own. These amazing characters does not belong to me, neither does this story. Watch 12 monkeys on Syfy!

Cassie didn’t know exactly how she managed to get to the hotel. She was still shaking from what happened. Slowly, she stumbled towards the sofa and sat down, too stunned to do anything else.  
With time, the movements came back, and so did her memory. The screams, the gunshots, the running. The explosion. That bright paradoxal explosion that blinded her. Time hadn’t ended, though. She thought, maybe, that the consequences of the paradoxes reflected only in the future. Once again, she was left alone in the past, knowing that the future would end in destruction. In her mind, the faces of the people she left behind – Jones, Jennifer, Deacon, Ramse - all of them swallowed by the red forest by now. Then, one single face took over her thoughts.  
Cole. He pushed her out of the room and locked himself in there with Alana and the messenger, minutes before it all happened. She couldn’t do anything. She couldn’t get in. She was left to watch the explosion take him away.  
“Go! Get out of here! I’ll stop him!” He screamed, his fingers slipping away as she tried to recover. She had hurt her leg, and was running slower. Now, sitting on the couch, safe, she removed her shoe and noticed that her foot was just a bit swollen. It wasn’t so serious, but at the time she could barely move.  
“Get out, Cassie!” His voice still pierced through her ears. She looked around at the empty space they had shared these past months, and finally, was able to cry.  
She cried and cried until she had no strenghts left in her, and sleep took over. The other morning, she woke up with the noise of someone rumbling through the room. She got to her feet in a second, Deacon’s training kicking in, putting her on alert. She had no idea who it could be, but always assume it’s hostile, the king of the scavs used to say. She put a pin on a mental note to remember Deacon’s peculiarities later.  
She went by the sofa slowly while the noise continued in the bedroom, the sound of someone messing with the drawers. What are they looking for that they just passes by her sleeping on the couch?  
She couldn’t stop glancing at the 1944’s photo of her and Cole on the desk, a secret wish that it would be him. She couldn’t be this naive. He was gone. This is danger. Focus, Cassandra.  
As she entered slowly in the bedroom, the man had her back to her. His slick, long hair left her breathless, but it was his otter eyes that made her lower her gun.  
“It’s becoming a habit, now, hun?” He joked, pointing at the gun. Cassie felt a mix of relief and anger.  
“Cole? But... The paradox? I saw it happen.” Cole shook his head.  
It wasn’t it. I don’t understand what happened, Cassie, but that... That was Alana. She did that and knocked out the messenger. We have him locked up in prison, Gale took him, I just had to come find something, a gun or, I...”  
Cassie was still overwhelmed with the sight of him. The more he spoke, the more she didn’t care. It is funny how things can become meaningless in a blink of an eye. She approached him slowly and gripped his wrist rightly, trying to stop him from doing whatever he was doing.  
He turned to her and saw the fear and sadness in her eyes. Her grip was tight in his wrist and he knew why – he was dead. For a moment in her mind, he was gone. He knew how that felt. He once had her dying in his arms. Although that reality was gone, she was still the same Cassie. He stopped and hugged her.  
“It’s okay. Hey! We still have a chance,” he tried to sound positive, which was incredibly silly considering what they know. Sometimes, silly is exactly what you need.  
He felt her sobs and that pained him. Their relationship was torn, things had changed, but not how he felt about her. She slowly moved away, and he just allowed her to observe him. She touched his face lightly with her fingertips, exploring every inch as if to believe he was real. When her finger reached his lips, he didn’t resist and kissed them, lightly.  
That stopped her, and he looked into her eyes. He saw a fear inside them that it was hard to define. But he also saw resolve. That was Cassie, always decided, no matter how scared. That’s what makes her wonderful.  
She couldn’t define what exactly made her do it. If it was the fear of being alone, or the relief in seeing him alive. Or the culmination of a feeling shoved aside for years now. But as he stared into her eyes, she slowly moved and put her lips on his. Slightly at first, and she could describe each movement of muscle that changed that touch into a kiss, to a deep kiss that made her heart flutter and a tear escape her eye. She only stopped it because she had forgotten to breathe.  
Cole didn’t allow her to move away for too long, his hand on the back of her head holding her in place as he kissed her again, more intensively now, as their bodies clashed in a tight hug. At that moment, nothing else mattered, whatever Cole needed to get was forgotten, and they finally turned focus to each other. Slowly, they walked together until her legs hit the bed.  
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.  
It was night now. The moon shone in the sky, full and bright illuminating the streets of 1957. People walked by, coming and going with no idea what the future had set for them. Life went on. And for those precious minutes in which they were allowed to be normal, life went on in their hotel room.  
Cassie rested lazily on Cole’s chest, her head moving up and down as he breathed. That soothed her, and she felt on the verge of sleeping, when a silly fact struck her, and she started to laugh.  
“What?” Cole asked, confused. He had been distracted playing with her fingers, that rested on his shoulder.  
“I’m 29 years older than you.” She said, and he chuckled. “You’re sleeping with an older woman.”  
“That’s the perks of time travel. You get the cougars before they are old. Ouch!” he winced as she pinched his abdomen. “Just kidding. You know, considering that we met in 2013, then a few hours later met in 2015, then lived in 2044, I don’t think the difference in our birth years really matter.”  
That brought back the reality and all its concerns, and Cassie raised her head to look at him.  
“What now, Cole? If that wasn’t the paradox, what was it? What does it mean?”  
He gently tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, then stroked her cheek with his fingers. “Honestly? I don’t know anymore. In theory, we have stopped it, but have we saved the facility? Will they be able to pull us back? I guess we’ll have to wait.”  
“Meanwhile, we live as two people from 1957? What am I going to do? I don’t think the hospital will accept my 2006 medical degree.”  
“Gale said he can get me a job in the FBI, nothing big. Maybe you can try something as a nurse at the hospital. It’s actually good that we lay low.”  
Cassie tried, but couldn’t really hide her discontentment. Cole knew she wanted to go back to 2044, see if Ramse and the daughters were successful at Titan, and help save the world. It was her purpose. He opened a sympathetic smile, and kissed her on the cheek, to what she turned her face to kiss him on the lips, and then laid again on his chest.  
The next morning, they met with Gale early, and he confirmed that the Messenger had been arrested.  
“We locked him up for the explosion. I was quick to erase Alana’s presence from there, and he went in for arsony. He’ll probably be sentenced to a mental institution, he doesn’t stop babbling about the future, and the Witness.”  
Cole scoffed “I know a thing or two about being taken for crazy” and eyed Cassie, who also grinned. “Good, at least we know she is safe. Now we need to know if this changed anything in the future”  
“Meanwhile…” Gale asked, with an inquisitive brow.  
“Meanwhile, we blend in.” Cassie replied, trying not to sound bleak. Gale opened a smile, too excited perhaps to notice the doctor’s disappointment.  
“Great! C’mon! I’ll show you around, and then we can go see Alana”  
“Actually, I don’t think we can. They had already forbidden us to see her after her outburst the first time, and now you have kidnapped her yesterday…” Cole was shaking his head when he noticed Gale’s grin still in place.  
“Oh, but I didn’t kidnap her. I’m an FBI agent, for Christ’s sake, James.” Then, it came to him. They didn’t know, and it was time to tell. “ I’m her guardian.”


End file.
